Sex Advice

Dear Dr. Locker: How can women have orgasms during regular intercourse?

Answer from Dr. Locker

The in-out-in-out motion of “regular intercourse,” as you call it, is the motion a guy needs for an orgasm—no surprise it’s the same back-and-forth a guy uses to masturbate. But when a woman pleasures herself, she usually uses a rubbing motion (often circular) on her clitoris. For a woman to orgasm during intercourse, her clitoris is the part of her that she or the man needs to reach.

One way for a woman to achieve orgasm during intercourse is for her to find a sexual position that allows for her to rub her clitoris against her partner's body. When they are about to have sex, the man can get on top and before he enters her, he can part her labia with his fingers to expose her clitoris. The he can glide his penis inside her, tilting his pelvis close to hers so she can rub her clitoris on his body. Instead of an in-out thrust, grind and use a rocking motion. (If the man has some hair in that area, a happy trail, it may help some women, because for many women, rubbing against hair can feel great. For hairless wonders, putting lubricant just above the base of the penis can create a sexy sensation for her clitoris.)

Many women love to be on top in order to most easily have an orgasm during intercourse. On top, they can control where they are rubbing to get the best clitoral stimulation. The woman may be "riding high" as she grinds and rubs her clitoris on him, while they are having intercourse. It often works well with her on top, leaning forward so that he can thrust while she rubs. (In my book I explain this in more detail...with illustrations.)

Beyond just finding a sex position in which she can rub her clitoris on him, the other way that a woman can orgasm during intercourse is for the woman to choose to use her hand or allow her partner to use his hand on her clitoris during intercourse to give her an orgasm. For example, with him on top, or with her on top, the couple can leave a little room between their bodies so that he can slide his hand to her clitoris, and easily stimulate her clitoris with his hand. Or she may use her own hand to stimulate herself no matter what position they are in. On top, on bottom, side-by-side, sitting, or if he is penetrating her from behind, she can easily use her own hand on her clitoris. That’s the only way some women can orgasm during intercourse. Others don’t want to masturbate during sex, will push his hand away if he wants to stimulate her clitoris with his hand. Why? Because some women are content to just rub on the man's body. Or, they might not even want to orgasm at all during that particular intercourse sesssion. Not every woman needs to orgasm from intercourse every time. Some may want to skip their orgasm all together; some may want oral sex before or after; or some may want to masturbte before or after intercourse. Ask her what she likes -- or needs -- to have pleasure.

Copyright © Dr. Sari Locker