Sex and Relationship Advice from Dr. Sari Locker
CLICK ON EACH CATEGORY FOR QUESTIONS ON THAT TOPIC . NEW "QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK" ARE POSTED MON., WED. AND FRI. Updated 5/14/08.
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Questions of the Week
- Can a condom be used in water, such as having intercourse in a hot tub, ocean, or pool?
- I'm 78 years old. My new partner (for the past 10 months) and I have an extraordinary sex life. However, I think she was dishonest with me. My doctor says I now have HPV. What problems will it create for me?
- How long should sex take?
Body Image
- I’m overweight and self-conscious about having someone I’m dating see me naked. Is there anything I can do to alleviate my anxiety?
- What is the average size of an erection?
- My penis is curved 25 or 30 degrees to the left. Is there something wrong with me? It's really embarrassing because I never know how to explain it to women.
- Does a woman's vagina get looser if she has sex with a man with a large penis? My girlfriend feels much looser than my ex-girlfriend. Has she only been with well-hung men?
- What are Kegel exercises? Can they tighten a woman's vagina? Do they do anything for men? Exactly how are Kegels done?
- I like every part of my body except my breasts. They are quite saggy while the rest of my body is toned and muscular. I never want to take off my bra in front of a man. Am I the only twentysomething with this problem? Is there anything I can do to get over this?
- Is it okay for parents to walk around nude in front of their young children?
Communication
- How do I know if I am pleasing my girlfriend sexually?
- How do I ask my partner to try something different, like a new sex position?
- What should I say—and not say—after sex?
- How do I tell my partner when I'm not in the mood for sex?
- How and when should I mention to dates that I don't want to sleep with one person exclusively?
- Help! I've had very little sexual experience and have started dating a woman who's very experienced. Should I tell her?
Kissing & Foreplay
- Can you tell me some creative, unique sexy ways to kiss?
- How can I make my girlfriend wet for sex? She doesn't get wet every time, and we have to apply lubricant to be sure sex is not painful for her.
- My girlfriend wants me to rub her chest but not touch her nipples. Is this weird?
- I'm sleeping with a woman who needs artificial lube no matter what. Is it me?
- Is it true that all women need at least 30 minutes of foreplay before sex?
Masturbation
- Is it possible to masturbate too much?
- I am a 22 year old woman, and have been masturbating since I was 4. Rubbing my vagina made me very happy then, so I've done it ever since. I do it to orgasm about once a week. Is it dangerous? Will I be able to conceive?
- I am a woman, and I do not see why I should masturbate. I hear sex educators say that "everyone should" masturbate, but I have plenty of orgasms during sex with my partner. So do I still "need" to masturbate?
Oral Sex
- I give oral sex to my boyfriend often. But my boyfriend is disgusted with the idea of giving oral sex to me. What can I do to get him to give me oral sex?
- How can I get over my hang ups about receiving oral sex?
- I'm in a great marriage, however my wife has never performed oral sex on me, and refuses when I ask. Do you have any ideas on how to change her mind?
- I'm a married monogamous man who has a reluctance to "go down after going to town." Is oral sex a common practice following unprotected sexual intercourse? Should I try to do this?
- Does semen contain a lot of calories? Does it always taste the same?
- How can I keep from gagging when I deep-throat a man?
- When I perform oral sex on a man, I don't know what to do with him semen. Spit, swallow? How? Why? Does he care?
Orgasms
- What is the G-Spot, and does it really do anything?
- How can women have orgasms during regular intercourse?
- If I use a vibrator all the time, will it make sex less enjoyable for me?
- How many times is it physically possible for a woman to orgasm in one night?
- Is it OK to fake orgasm with my guy if I really don't think it's going to happen?
- Does having more orgasms reduce the risk of cancer and other diseases?
- I have never had an orgasm. I am a 29 year old single woman. Do you have any tips for how to have an orgasm?
- Is there a difference between a clitoral orgasm and a vaginal orgasm?
- I have been told that if I cannot give my future girlfriend at least 3 orgasms during sex, she will leave me for another guy who can satisfy her. Is there any truth to that?
- How can I tell if a woman is faking orgasm?
- How long does an orgasm last?
- Why does my penis get so sensitive after I ejaculate?
Orientation
- I just heard the expression GLBTQ. I know gay, lesbian and bisexual, but what are T and Q?
- I'm a male, who loves sex with women, but I like to wear woman's panties and sleep with a bra on. Does that make me gay?
- I met a guy who told me he is a 3 on the Kinsey Scale. I assumed it means he is gay, but I am not sure. What does this mean?
- If I like my girlfriend to penetrate my bum with a strap-on does that mean I'm gay?
Pregnancy & Birth Control
- How long does sperm live outside of the body, and in woman's body?
- Can a woman get pregnant during intercourse if the man does not ejaculate?
- When and how should I broach the topic of birth control?
- Do home pregnancy tests work?
- Are there sex positions that prevent getting pregnant, and what is the best position to conceive?
- What are the early symptoms or signs of pregnancy?
- At what stage of the month does one take contraceptive pills for controlling pregnancy?
- My husband and I had sex on a Friday night, and two days later, I detected my LH surge using an ovulation predictor test stick. Is there a chance that I got pregnant even though we had sex before ovulation occurred? How long does sperm live inside a woman to fertilize an egg?
Safer Sex, STDs, and AIDS
- How can I cure crabs?
- How can I bring up the topic of using condoms with someone I'm dating?
- Can I protect myself against sexually transmitted diseases if I have casual sex?
- I’ve heard that condoms are never 100% safe, and they protect against certain STDs better than others. What’s the story, and aside from celibacy, what do I do?
- How does HIV get into your body?
- What is the difference between HIV and AIDS? What happens if someone gets HIV or AIDS?
- I'm just wondering if it is illegal to buy condoms if you're under 18.
- I want to have anal sex, and my partner is getting comfortable with it. But I would like to have it without a condom. She says no. What should I do?
- Can a teenager get an STD test without getting parental consent first?
- What goes on at an annual gynecologist exam? I have my first appointment for my first pelvic exam, and I am not sure what to expect.
- Can having sex without a condom during a woman's period cause any physical problems?
- Most of my sexual encounters are unprotected. I notice a pimple like bump on the outside of my vagina. Could I have an STD or HIV?
Sex Positions
- My penis is small. Please tell me what sex positions can make my girlfriend feel tighter during sex.
- What is an idea for a new and exciting sexual position?
- I'm a woman who is not quite sure how to move when I am on top. Do you have technique advice?
- Can you tell me a couple of new and exciting sex positions?
- Is the 69 position better, anatomy-wise, for men or for women? Does being upside-down matter?
Sexual Problems
- What is Sensate Focus and how can it help couples?
- How can someone find and choose a sex therapist?
- Can having a few drinks hurt a man’s sexual performance?
- I have little to no sex drive, which makes dating difficult because I know I am bound to disappoint. What can I do?
- I don't think that my husband and I have sex as much as other people. How much do they do it, and how much should we?
- I am a 42 year old virgin. I ache for the touch of a female, and want to know what it feels like to make love. But I get scared and shake when I talk to a woman. Though, I'm glad I won't catch something or die from a sexual sickness. It is terrible to go through life without the touch of a hand or kiss or love. Can you help me?
- I ejaculate too quickly, within about a minute or two, or sometimes only 30 seconds. How can I last longer?
- I'm a guy who can get off just fine on my own and during oral sex, but for some reason I am unable to climax during intercourse. Is there something wrong with me, and how can I change?
- My new girlfriend and I have sex every night, but I know that won't last. What should I do if I am not in the mood? What about when she is not in the mood?
- She yells so loud during sex that it wakes up my neighbors. Is there a solution?
- If I have to have a testicle removed, how will it affect my sex drive? Will I ejaculate half as much, or does the remaining ball work overtime to compensate?
Relationships
- How much should I tell my new partner about my sex life with my exes?
- Is it true that men reach their sexual peak at 18, and women at 30?
- Is it possible to create sexual chemistry, or is this a lost cause?
- How can I get my best friend back when she acts distant?
- My wife and I hardly seem to even have other friends. Is it unhealthy when married people spend all their time together?
- What should do if I have sex fantasies about my ex when I am with my current boyfriend?
- Is appropriate for my boyfriend to hang out with female "friends" he has had sex with, including one he met when we were briefly broken up?
- I searched to find that my husband is looking at online porn and paid for an adult dating service -- Help!
- My girlfriend doesn't like porn. Is there anything wrong with my looking at it without her?
- I’ve always heard people say that you should never sleep with someone on the first date and at least wait until date #3. If you know you like each other, what’s so great about waiting? Does it make the sex better?
- I've been corresponding with another single via email and things got pretty steamy. How can I slow things down when we start dating in person?
- My fiance disclosed that she had a threesome (MFF) before we got together. She said she liked the girl-to-girl part. She says she doesn't want to have a threesome with me, because she doesn't want to share me. Should I be worried she might cheat to have a lesbian experience? Why does it bother me this much? Am I just being stupid?
- I'm 26, looking for a boyfriend. I have had sex with about 6 guys in my life, some boyfriends, but I never figured out: Should I have sex after a few dates to see if the sex will be good enough for a relationship, or wait for months until we have a committed relationship and love?
- I'm 28 and just found out that my boyfriend of 8 months is still on match .com! His profile was "active within 24 hours" after we had just spent the whole weekend together. What should I do?
- I will be alone again this year on Valentine's Day. How can I brighten my Valentine's Day even though I'm single?
- My boyfriend and I are 18, and have been together for 4 years. He cheated on me twice and we broke up. In the past 6 months, he has regained my trust, and treats me like gold. However, he just left the country for three months. I am constantly worried I will get hurt again. I'm also concerned it is an indicator of how he will be in the future. I don't think relationships are supposed to have this much doubt. Is it worth it?
- I am worried that my wife might be cheating on me, because she told me that after work, she had a drink with a man who she works with. I don't trust her.
- My girlfriend says her ex-boyfriend was some kind of virtuoso in the sack. What can I do, physically, to boost my performance?
- I don't want to have an affair, but I'm a married woman and have developed a massive crush on a married man. We act like friends, no touching. I love the way it feels to see him, talk to him and I anticipate every email. Am I doing something wrong?
- I'm in a great relationship, but I still sometimes fantasize about my ex-girlfriend of three years ago. Is it bad to call her up just to see how she's doing?
- Every time I take a shower, I hear my husband on the phone. Then he refuses to tell me who he calls. Do you think he's having an affair?
Sex Variations
- Do we have to use sex toys to spice up our sex life?
- How can my husband and I be more creative in the bedroom?
- How long does sex usually last?
- The guy I'm dating tells me that he gets turned on by dirty talk, but I feel stupid when I try to do it. Any pointers?
- How should I introduce my vibrator to use during sex with my boyfriend?
- My girlfriend is getting her clit pierced. Is there a danger of injuring her (or myself) during sex? Will I have to do anything differently to please her? Please advise!
- I found a vibrator under my girlfriend's bed. I want to confront her, but I also want her to let me use it with her.
- Do women ever like anal sex, or is it just painful for them?
- What is a butt plug?
- I am sexually aroused by feet more than anything else. Feet turn me on when I see them, and I want to come when I touch them. Is this a "foot fetish"? To what extent should I consider it to be "unhealthy"?
- How do people get a sexual fetish? What are they? Are they normal?
- Can a guy get a tattoo on his penis? If so, how is it done?
- I find myself increasingly desiring an S&M relationship in which I'm the submissive, and I have just begun to get involved with this. Should I even go down this road?
- My girlfriend wants me to choke her during sex,but I'm kind of freaked. What should I do?
- I've heard that ben-wa balls will make my vagina feel great. Is this true? Should I try them?
- What is pegging?
- Does alcohol enhance sex?