Sex Advice

Dear Dr. Locker: How can I make my girlfriend wet for sex? She doesn't get wet every time, and we have to apply lubricant to be sure sex is not painful for her.

Answer from Dr. Locker

Most women have times when they do not lubricate very much. There are some women who naturally don’t lubricate, because of stress or hormones, or because they are on a medication which may inhibit arousal or lubrication. Often post-menopausal women lubricate less. Other women lubricate well most of the time, but then not during certain stages of their menstrual cycle. Yet there is the chance that she’s simply not getting aroused enough during your sexual interactions. Foreplay (touching, kissing, oral sex) is often a needed warm up for women to get fully aroused and lubricated. For young men who often get erect at just the thought of sex, their young women partners may need more attention to 'catch up'. Try relaxing together, giving her a back massage, and then moving into heavier foreplay. It takes some women a full ten to twenty minutes of foreplay in order to get wet. Ask her what she likes, or experiment with her to figure out what types of kissing and touching get her the most turned on. If she tells you that she is totally turned on, and she does not lubricate much naturally (or if she's on a medication that makes her drier) then you know it’s not about the amount of foreplay you have. Either way, you can always feel good about using store bought water based lubricants, like Play More (available near the condoms in any drug store or even stores like Wal-Mart). They can be a great help to reducing any discomfort that she'd feel if she's too dry otherwise. Also, because lubricants come in many different formulations you can try a few different kinds to add variety to your sex life. By the way, giving her lots of oral sex before intercourse is another way you can chip in to provide all the lubricant she’ll need.

NOTE: Any woman who used to lubricate well naturally, and then has a noticeable change, or who experiences pain during intercourse, should see her gynecologist to discuss the issue.


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