Sex Advice

Dear Dr. Locker: I'm a male, who loves sex with women, but I like to wear woman's panties and sleep with a bra on. Does that make me gay?

Answer from Dr. Locker

It means you're a heterosexual crossdresser -- sometimes called a transvestite. (If you feel sexually attracted to men, then that would mean you are gay. But if you are sexually attracted to women, and you enjoy wearing women’s clothes… that does not mean you are gay.)

Crossdressers are people who wear clothes of the opposite gender to satisfy their emotional, erotic, or cultural needs (or even just for a special occasion, like for Halloween or for a role in a movie). Crossdressing does not make people gay. In fact, most crossdressers who are men are married with children. The percentage of crossdressers who are gay is about 5 to 10 percent. (Some of these gay crossdressers are “drag queens” who like performing dressed like celebrities such as Barbra Streisand and Cher.) Some heterosexual crossdressers may like to try to “pass” for women and go out in public wearing women’s clothes. But many are exactly like you, in that they only want to wear women’s lingerie when they are in private at home. Others like to wear women’s clothes while they have sex with women. It’s all a matter of personal preference.

Crossdressing is generally not about sex at all—it’s about breaking away from the roles that society forces people to play. For example, a man who feels confined all day at work in his suit and tie might feel a great release when he gets home and changes into a bra and skirt.

Incidentally, just because you are a crossdresser that does not mean that you want to BE a woman. In other words, don’t confuse transvestite with transsexual. Trans- in Latin means “cross” and vest in Latin means “dress.” Transvestite is what you are, a crossdresser. Whereas, Transsexuals (Trans- in Latin meaning “cross” and “sexual” meaning gender) believe that the gender they were born with is not the one they were meant to have. To remedy this, some transsexuals choose to undergo hormone therapy and/or sex reassignment surgery. This is not what crossdressers want for themselves. A crossdresser just wants the clothes of the other gender, not their sex organs.


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