Sex Advice

Dear Dr. Locker: What is Tantric Sex, and how can we do Tantra to make sex last longer?

Answer from Dr. Locker

Tantric sex is a spiritual type of sex that is based in Eastern philosophies of Taoism and Buddhism. Tantra teaches that sexuality is part of your whole being -- a mental, physical, and spiritual union.

Tantra can keep you in the moment during sex, and it can help you find more meaning from sex. One of the basic Taoist philosophies is that sex -- like life -- is not about the destination, it's about the journey. In other words, when it comes to sex, it’s not about the big "O." The concept of "achieving" an orgasm and the notion that an orgasm is the "climax" of sex, goes against Tantric principles. The most important point of Tantra is to feel an allover sensation of connection to your partner.

Tantric Exercise #1: Breathing in Harmony One of most fundamental Tantric exercises is breathing in sync. It helps couples feel close and achieve harmony. Here are the basics exercise that will help you and your lover get in sync: 1. Relax together. Lay down with your partner in the "spoon" position with both of you on your left sides, facing in the same direction. You and your partner should close your eyes and relax. 2. Focus on your breathing. Inhale slowly, holding it for a few seconds. Then exhale slowly. Really concentrate on the in and out of your breathing. Your partner should be doing the same. 3. Focus on your partner's breathing. When you feel comfortable with the rhythm of your own breathing, pay attention to the in and out of your partner's breathing. 4. Try to get your breathing in sync with your partner's. Breathe in and breathe out at the same time. 5. Stay in synch. Continue this synchronized breathing for five full minutes. It might seem like a lot at the beginning, but soon you will not be thinking about the time, and you will be feeling only the sexy closeness.

Prolonging the Tantric Sex Act Tantra is not just about an orgasm that originates from the clitoris or penis. It is about sex that lasts, and a full body orgasm that lasts. Some describe it as "riding the wave" of sexual energy. The following steps can help you achieve this: 1. Have the man insert his erect penis in the woman's vagina, but not thrust; just rest it there and feel what you each feel like together. 2. Have the man withdraw his penis from her vagina and use it to gently massage her clitoris and vaginal opening. 3. Then have him slide his erect penis back inside her vagina again. 4. Repeat this cycle several times. Most of the time, you should each feel as if you're hovering on the brink of orgasm. 5. When you finally decide to release into orgasm, the penis should remain inside the vagina, thrusting gently until climax. The man can also use his penis to massage the woman's clitoris until orgasm.

During all of these steps, breathe together the way you did in the first exercise. Keep breathing and focusing during orgasm. This may give you the sensation of a "full-body orgasm" in which you feel a radiating sensation all over your body, not just in your genitals.

Also, keep your eyes open during sex. Many people who practice Tantra say that they feel a deep, even more intense love when they are staring into their partner's eyes during orgasm. This can all provide for some super sexy sex!

Copyright © Dr. Sari Locker