Sex Advice

Dear Dr. Locker: I have a problem with premature ejaculation. What works and what doesn't work to treat this problem?

Answer from Dr. Locker

According to the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, a third of guys suffer from premature ejaculation.

Here are some things that might help:

Tune Into Your Excitement

Self-awareness is key. Think of your excitement as being on a scale from 0, nothing, to 10, orgasm. During sex, try to get your body and mind to stay at around level 7 or 8 without getting to 9, the “point-of-no-return.” Recognize the feeling *before* the point-of-no-return, then stop and try the tips below until you’re ready to resume.


When you’re excitement level reaches about an 8, take a break for 30 seconds or a minute. Start again when you feel like your excitement is down to about level 5 or 6. Practice this cycle during masturbation until you last 15 minutes. During intercourse, you’ll last that long if you stop thrusting and ask your partner to stop moving until your excitement mellows.

Squeeze Technique

If you feel too close to the point-of-no-return, pull out and then firmly squeeze just below the head of your penis by pressing your thumb on the underside and forefingers opposite it. You’ll be suppressing your ejaculatory response to delay ejaculation. (For more instruction, see a certified sex therapist.)

Vary Positions

Find positions that help you hold back. Woman-on-top helps some guys last, because they can’t pump as hard. Also, switch positions during sex to gain precious moments to cool off. When you stop and pull out to switch into a new position, that seventh inning stretch will make your excitement die down just enough to make you last longer.

Focus on Her

The more foreplay you have, the longer your whole sexual experience will last. Pay more attention to her, with touching and oral sex. Even if intercourse is a lightening round, she won’t notice because she was tingling from her orgasms before you ever entered her. Giving her pleasure is the best way to impress your insatiable woman!

Here are some things that probably will not help:

Lubes and Pills

Desensitizing lubricants contain benzocaine, the same anesthetic used for to toothaches. It will make your penis temporarily numb, so you may last… but you’ll miss any pleasure. Antidepressant pills may have the side effect of delaying ejaculation, but other side effects are: anxiety, sleep problems, weight gain -- and loss of desire or erection. Plus, they’re only intended to treat depression, and you must never take them unless prescribed to you by a doctor.

Toys to Last

Some guys think that a cock ring can help, because it keeps the penis engorged with blood longer. But others find that if their penis is restricted like that it hurts! Besides, you should not wear one for more than a few minutes, because they can permanently damage blood vessels. Vibrators take the attention off of your penis, prolonging sex play for her. Downside: You may be left out.

For more info, including info about how to find a sex therapist who can work with you (talking only!) to help cure your sex problem, check out these questions and answers:

* How can someone find and choose a sex therapist?

*I ejaculate too quickly, within about a minute or two, or sometimes only 30 seconds. How can I last longer?

Copyright © Dr. Sari Locker